D(I)C(K) DOODLE ICE CLIMAX ketchup |
x = (money) x (wheat grain growth rate)
+ ((elvis age/hex color value of green turquoise)/circumfrence 72 deg)
||| x/y= |
 financial security expert rolf hedgeclif |
with the world in great turmoil and the economy in despair how it is possible; to live with limited quantity of money? this is the question we tackle this week on D!CK financial report 2008. we begin our investigation at the office of "rolf hedgemann" after responding to an ad he place claiming you can super charge your wealth potential. this is the transcript of our dialog.
Doug Beach : so rolf tell me...,. how i can get more money
Rolf Hedgemann : Well it's actually not that hard. I get calls all the time from people asking the same thing: How to get the bang out of your buck. It's really not as difficult as you might put yourself to believe-
Doug Beach : we are runnig short on time cut to the chase
Rolf Hedgemann : I thought the interview just started -
Doug Beach : tick tick tock the clock is moving
Rolf Hedgemann : Okay. The best advice I can give to generate more revenue is to diversify your portfilio but to also keep a close check on the status of your investments. Go with a 701g or a closed investment IRF for maximal growth on your assests -- and don't forget to talk to your advisor about the benefits of a joint operated co-signee account with flex-guard. Small changes like opting for a "swap on arrival" service will ensure -
Doug Beach : speak english you son of a bitch
Rolf Hedgemann : *Laughter* Those are just a few finacial terms that take only minutes to understand. It might seem a little scary at first; that's why I hand out these pamphlets with information on terms like IRF and flex-guarded accounts.
Doug Beach : are you going to give me money or not
Rolf Hedgemann : Of course not; but I assure you my advice will put you well on your way-
Doug Beach : get the fu.ck out of my office
Rolf Hedgemann : This is my office.
as quick as started the interview was compelted... or wase it..? yes it was.
so i had to ask myself if is not possible to get more money; natural
progression says to utilize your wealth power to fullest potential. i went to
thre local thrift store inan attempt to stretch my penisdollar.
Doug : i would like to buy these apple for 1 dollar
Clerk : That apple only costs 35 cents, sir.
Doug : you think you can outhaggle me well let me tell you something son ive been in the business for 20 year you cant haggle with the inventor of haggle
Clerk : Sir, this apple is less than a dollar.
Doug : *push dollar across the counter* ill pretend i didnt hear that
Clerk : I have your 65 cents change right here!
and as soon as i entered i was gone!. the key to successful haggle is strike first and to seal the deal befoer it even start. this is a sacred ancient mastery only expert haggler can achieve so that the deal never existe in the first place.
but you may be asking "but doug you are very adept at handling haggle skills i cannot do this so how can average mediocre normal regular person like me save money". the first process is to get free money but how do you do this you may ask (but only once)
answer is platic money cards aka credit card.
if you do not already have credit cards you are stupid and are very fortunates i am feeling in good mood enough to tell you howto achieve these : here is what you do
Step A: apply for every credit card imaginable if possible do this online to ensure your identity is not stolen some good sites are www.coolfreecreditcardinstantapproval.info/stealidentity.php
Step B: if you are rejected for every card there is still hope!!! next time your neighbour has a barbeque go up to him have a conversation like this:
you: great wheater today
neighbour: I don't know about that, it's starting to rain a bit.
you: i concur so have you seen any good movie lately
neighbour: I rented Biodome last night. It was a hoot.
you: i agree so what is your social security number date of birth weight height penis length and color of retinas
neighbour: 836737625, 12/10/1975, 175lbs, 5'11", 6.5 inches, and blue.
you: great talking to you
IT"S THAT SIMPLE! then you use this information to get credit card in his name this is illegal but if you use HONOR SYSTEM by promising yourself to pay back debt then this is ok. once you get credit cards spend every available credit on services or items you will likely use for one day then never again this is the key to being succesful. but after limit is exceeded what do you do???
this is where my 5 step infallible "doug beach 5 step to success" plan comes in
Step 1 : shave your head bald and sell the hair. depending on your hair length you can get anywhere from 5 to 5 billion dollars.
Step 2 : eat one of every small fruit at the supermarket. if asked what you are doing say you are sampling it. you can live off of this if you have exceeded your credit limit on all your credit cards.
Step 3 : reuse postage stamps by cutting them from envelopes sent to you. this can save you approx 50000 bucks every year.
Step 4 : buy a 12 pack of bottled water and refill it with pond water when finished. continue this for the rest of your life. on average you will save 10 dollars /day on this tip alone!!!
Step 5 : steal ketchup bottles from garbage cans and refill them using ketchup at fast food restraunt. go to a store and return the ketchup to get _free money_. !!BONUS TIP!! you can do this with mustard and relish too!!
Step 6 : use portion of savings to bet lottery ticket
every day eventually you will win this is verified proof. here is the logic:
odds of winning lottery ticket = to struck by lightning but if you climb on
top of high tree and hold copper pole in your hand odds are very good of winning
lottery! when you are finished beating life send checks to doug beach for excellent
advice. you will most likly look like this when you succedd:
side kick to rib cage dislocate shoulder rotator cuff internl bleed and die extravaganzea there you have it dickenson ! another D!cK EXCKLUVISE you cannot find better information not even on www.howtogetrichquickfromhomeandhavesexwithbeutifulwomen.com/scam.html this is doug beach singing out - doug beach, president doug beach corp
disclaimer you cannot read this site or i will punch you or quite possibly kick you using any martierla here is liiegal and you will be charged to full extents ggiven you do not suckwhich is yes if you are not doug beahc so do not click ok bye