helo new section in DICK !!! tutorials of evrydays life: volume 1 (volume does not refer to the unit of measurement)

today we cover a very engrossing subject. that is: posting letter mail. in this i pose you thuis scenario:

MISSION:
archibald in lithuania won ebay bid and needs to be shipped 700 pop tarts bluebery flavour. how to do???

ANSWER:
very simple 10 step plan.

Step 1 : brace youself. this is probabaly the most importent step of all. if you fail to brace you cannot post mail, if you fail to mail postage you cannot enjoy, if you cannot enjoy you cannot enjoy. end of story.

Step 2 : get stampp. methods of obtaining stamp: buy from post office, forge you own satmp (if lack fund to purchase stamp).


example of forge stamp.

stEp 3: dance heartly. you must please the gods if you want you letter to send successfully. do many dances to show your gr8fulness to the gods.

step 4: get box. ok you can find box in many location here i use old dutch box (ps old dutch very good chipe brand and this is not just because they pay me $50 dollar to say this)

official postage box of dick news is old dutch chipes

steP 7: this is what your package should resemble:

8======D

by package i refer to you penis and not old dutch box with stamp on. if your penis is not in shape of the ASCII penis above you should consider going to a doctor.

step 8: write who you sending to on package. ok here is a TIP if you write name in multicolor mailman see it better and post it quicker. RESULT: you get fast delivery so do multicolor and bold text. also make sure he know where you send location is IE. ask mailman if he knowns who archilbad is

STEP 9: give parcle to post man. another tip is never give package to women she will lose it and maybe get nail polish on it. ok so when you find post man you need to ensure he is post man here is what to do:

(AOL LOG BEGIN)
doug: hello post mans
post man: i am post mans
doug: realy? i findg that quite facsinates -- ANSWER THIS QUESTION : HOW MANY licks to toosie roll ?!
post man: youd need to put stamp on totise roll

if he does not respond exactly that response he is poser post man and probsbly maytag man in this case if you washing machine broke down ask him for help otwherwise give package.


tape this image to your mailbox as a public service and society will gain knowledge on how to differentiates maytag man and postman.

Step 5 : if you encounter postman pat DO NOT give him parcel. he is now international terrorist and will use mail to fund terrorist activity.

postman pat is on FBI watchlist

steap 10: drink lemonade. you accomplished a very tough task (consider patting yourself on back). if arcibald does not get 700 pop tarts in mail deny ever selling him 700 pop tart and threaten to sue if he demands refund.

HOOP TO THE BASKET FROM DOWNTOWN yet againe D*I(C#K* has provided another excluvise and the world knowledge pool has been enriched. stay tuned for next week when everyday tutorial topic is "how to breath".

disclaimer you cannot read this site or i will punch you or quite possibly kick you using any martierla here is liiegal and you will be charged to full extents ggiven you do not suckwhich is yes if you are not doug beahc so do not click ok bye