D,I*C!K'

dabble insolvent character kelvin 		DGF - DILDO We wanted to create a similar event to Sundance for independent game developers - and that's just what we've succeeded in doing with the Dick Games Festival, which has awarded hundred of thousands of dollars in cash prizes (and brought major exposure and a much higher profile) to a multitude of indie and student game developers who enter.

welcome to the first annual Dick Games Festival hosted at the bus station in dildo (newfoundland). i am very excited about this year !!! we have receievevedevevd erecieved* r*evcived * recieveied* recievered over 500 entries this year! ! ! i have recruited two goode friends to help judge this year _here is their information:

JUDGES
Doctor Doug Beach PhD
description- this is me
accolades: laser scientists, doctor / capable of surgeon ability, president of penis cancer foundation
Penis Length: 18 inch

ilieksyrupnchowderlol
description- an accomplished gaming afficionado and chowder enthusiasts
accolades: finish 3rd place in the virginia chowderfest
Penis Length: 2 cm

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist
desc- professional game reviewer in game industry
accolades: Games Journalist
Penis Length; 5 inches

CRITERIOA
after scouring through the 700 game submitted we have come upon this conclusion for 5 finalist!!!

finalists...

F I N A L I S T S :



Escape From Dicktown


dicktown

Developer:
  Jerry Taylor, Cell Block D, Col 3 Row 5 (Santa Monica)
Developer Description:
  u r in dicktown and must ecape

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: very intruiging game. it poses many question about the state of society and many other societal implication. are we all in dicktown>??? is only method of excape from dicktown by playing game? did this man find a way to create time/space device to automatically execute escape from dicktown without user ever gain knowledge of escape??? how come walmart rejected my e-coupon for old el paso taco creation kit???? these are all very bold question and thius game brings humanity one step closer to understanding them.

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: Upon first playing this game, I felt that the game holds your hand just a little too much. There was not much you could do wrong, and unless you were physically unable to use a mouse as a form of input, it's impossible to lose. That said, I believe Escape From Dicktown was built around replay value. It wasn't until the 6th play through that I saw the full genius of this title. Overall a very enthralling game.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: i couldent run the game :(((((

Dick Or No Dick


you must find the dick

Developer:
  big_dick_2003 (aol username)
Developer Description:
  Welcome to Dick Or No Dick, the new high-stakes game show of the 21st century! Take your shot at finding the dick, but beware, you've only got one chance!

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: theis game takes advantage of the extreme complexities of the hit television show "deal or not deal" and turn it into one of the greatest game concept in all human history. you must dig deep into you soul to obtain the number that contains the dick;; or you will be failure for the rest of life destined to never do anything. how to choose number? who know.... but choice will echo for eternity...

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: I didn't manage to win, but the finality of this title is the charm of it. It can reflect many things upon your character, in how you deduce which case to choose, to how you handle winning or losing the game. I used a great deal of thought when choosing my number, and after I saw that, indeed, no dick was inside, I felt immense shame and embarassment. There's no second chance here, no continues or retries. I thought I was good at these games. I thought I had the necessary chops to pull out a narrow victory. The game had other ideas, as I now know. After battling a crippling depression caused from failing to find the dick, I bounced right back and began life anew. This game taught me how to deal with an outcome that could never be changed. For that, I cannot help but nominate it as a finalist.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: 0_____0 my mom does'nt let me play games with private parts 0_________0

Connect The Dick


make sure you connect dick properly or else you are fauilure

Developer:
  Farhad Eeshwar Mahanth
Developer Description:
  GEf364 YJGWYD Get Ci@lis Pills! Buy Ci@lis at 50% off! HRYR rittt4r FJEFH

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: very realistic dick anatomy and requires much skill to draw the best dick possible. great concept! i will use this to train future penile surgeon to improve their precision stat.

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: Ah, the memories of childhood. Connect The Dick is like a train pacing through nostalgia land, stopping just when you are about to become weary of the experience. Relive your youth and take a break from the ills of the modern era; you are sure to find solace in this gem.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: yayy! i made the ballon my first time :0

You Have To Use Your Imagination


you have to use your imagination

Developer:
  Vaippa Productions
Developer Description:
  You Have To Use Your Imagination utilizes cutting edge graphic processing techniques to create a breathtakingly vivid, personal experience that has never been matched by contemporary artistic mediums. In the game you control "You," a startlingly unstimulated individual who is moments away from browsing lewd and revolting pornographic sites before being confronted by the teachings of an unbelievably intelligent(and remarkably attractive) video game designer who calls himself "Hundley." This "Hundley" gives the nearsighted neanderthal the key to a new world, with only the words "Remember to donate 1,000USD to paypal account jeremysoulefan@grosserpenis.com" to guide them. The rest is in their hands.....

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: holey moely! i am unsure why anone would make such a bizarre game but in my opinioen (sp?) this risk paid off. i especially enjoyed the part when dick tracy used the jumper cables to defeat gwenzar the time lord,,,, and i appreciates the ending consisting of the word DICK being repeated 500 times in every langauge in the world.

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: An exquisite romp through the wonders of the human mind. I was shocked at how well the game was tailored to my exact needs. As if I was the developer, or the developer knew all of my wishes and desires. In my experience, I began at Hyrule Castle and I was Black Link. Princess Peach approached me and said she needed me to "soul dive" into her (for non arc-tonelico fans out there, a soul dive requires a man of great power to jam a crystal in a slot located at the backside of a female mage), in order to use magicks to protect the Green Hill Zone. It was a grueling 4 hour process, but after this the crystal set inside her. Green Hill Zone was safe, but just as the game was nearing it's end, Amy from Sonic The Hedgehog ran into the castle and yelled "Help! Eggman raped me!". This is precisely when the game ended. Rather than creating frustration, it instead invigorated me for the release of You Have To Use Your Imagination 2.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: wOW! my best score is 50230 points (i am #1 on the scorebored). use all your dragen flamme when you face the evil king and make sure to grab all the power orb!!!

Trump Gold Plated Toilet Seats


screenshort from the trump toilet seat campagin

Developer:
  Trump Enterprises
Developer Description:
  Trump Gold Plated Toilet Seats are the best toilet seats money can buy, period. Fire your toilet seat and hire a new Trump toilet seat.

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: a very ubntraditional game to say the least amount possible! this is based in "the game of life" / reality / place you exist in now and the game is for doanlds trump to suck as much money out of you as possible. unfortunately in this game you cannot play as donald trump and instead are playing "idolt consumer".

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: You gotta hand it to Trump, he knows how to make a pitch. At first I debated the legitimacy of this being a "game", but when I read the memo included with the game (which strangely, Mr. Trump seems to have lost a $100 bill in there), it made perfect sense. If Rock, Paper, Scissors is a game, why isn't this? Everything is a game if you look at it the right way. Jumping is a game. Running is a game. Breathing is a game.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: i buyed lots of chocolate bars with the money from Donald Duck

yowza! what a barrel of great game! you can download the entire set of 5 finals by

click this link



before we continue to the winner here are three honorable mentions each judge has choosen from the 900 game submitted. they are great video game but did not attain "crop of cream" status to enter the finals.

Honorable Mentions:

City Slickers: The Interactive Video Game
this is an innovative concept and excellent production value but lacks necessary gimmick to get into the big league. how come i could not tie billy crystal shoe as gameplayer mechanic??? why is there no gold bar point system? many things in right direction for this game but equal amount of things in opposite direction.
- doug beach

AGHR GEH HEWVE HGWE GWGE
In "AGHR" you are bombarded with random sets of letters on the screen, and must mash the general area on the keyboard from where the words are located. As you are doing this, Ghandi is dancing in the bottom corner giving you tips on how to play better and a chiptune version of Monster Mash is playing according to your score value (slow tempo for low points, higher temp for more points). Overall the experience was quite enjoyable but this game exceeded 5 minutes in length. Which, to be quite frank, is completely unacceptable if you want to be a DGF winner. A novice mistake for an otherwise good game.
- Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist

GOKU VERSUS VEGETA
you punch and beat up vegta quickly . after punching vegta the game is over and goku saves the dragen balls. i think this game shud win but sam bloogs & dougr beach called me stupid 8o(
- ilieksyrupnchowderlol



whoa! what exciting picks! congrtailualton to honorable mention but now it is time to "play ball". without further delay.... hgere are is the here is the winner!!!!!!!


winner below



winner eblow



DGF WINNER

Shit On The Dove





Developer:
  lakersfan10923
Developer Description:
  In the game of Shit On The Dove, you must put a bathtub on your roof and use your excrement to knock a dove into the bathtub. Other birds such as pigeons, eagles, or falcons may be used, but they are not regulation birds and may only be used for practice. If you manage to Shit On The Dove, you join the champions circle and have "won the game".

Doctor Doug Beach PhD: after reading and understanding rules i set up game of shit on dove and tried to accomplish this task for many weeks. it was not until i realise "subtitles" or the sport. IE. how to lure dove!! the average molron would wait until time ends for dove to approach them but this is incorrect strategy. there are many method to lure dove but i used my penis dangling in the wind and this gave great results. i assume dove think the penis is worm and attacked.e?? anyways after 5 week and 3 day i managed to shit on dove and join champions cirlce. i am positive this will be olympic sport in 2015 and will be consider the "new cool"

Sam Bloggs, Games Journalist: This game is the ultimate challenge to humanity: Shit on the Dove, and join the eternal circle of champions. What greater reward is there, and what task could be more suitable? I trained using pigeons for a week, and used my mouth to mimic the mating calls of the pidgeon. I managed to nail down the call and get pidgeon attracted to me, but this is only the beginning of the challenge. You must learn to leap a great height in the air, and then shit right when the bird is beneath you. I am certain I will need more practise before I even THINK about moving on to doves, but from what I've seen already, this is truly the ultimate game.

ilieksyrupnchowderlol: cool game



all in a days work at the DGF!!!!

i am flabberghast at the support for DGF (over 1000 entries this year!!!) and look forward to coming yaers with anticipation and glee. tune in next week for reviews on the 2010 melon ballers!!

disclaimer you cannot read this site or i will punch you or quite possibly kick you using any martierla here is liiegal and you will be charged to full extents ggiven you do not suckwhich is yes if you are not doug beahc so do not click ok bye